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The Conversation that Made the Believer Insane

22 Aug

Believer:  I have believed and stayed positive for a long time yet I still see none of my dreams coming to pass.  I am grateful for all that I have but I feel my life is going terribly wrong.  I am becoming depressed and feeling hopeless.  I need help.

Wise One:  Help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth.

Believer:  Yes, I know this but I need help right now.

Wise One:  There’s a reason for everything and everything has its divine time.

Believer:  I am aware of divine time however how does this help me right now?

Wise One:  Everything will be okay in the end.  If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

Believer:  What?

Wise One:  All is well.

Believer:  How can all be well when I just said it was not?  My patience is growing weary and…

Wise One:  Patience is the greatest of all virtues.

Believer:  …and I am tired of waiting.

Wise One:  For everything there is a season.

Believer:  And just how long is this season supposed to last?

Wise One:  All things come to him who waits.

Believer:  I have waited.

Wise One:  An attitude of gratitude will create blessings.

Believer:  I am grateful and express what I am grateful for every day.

Wise One:  You will reap what you sow.

Believer:  I have prayed.  I have meditated.  I have visualized.  I have kept my spirits high.  I have taken guided actions.  I have read the books and listened to the teachers.  I continue to do these things but I’m saying I’m losing my belief because after all these years I still see nothing.

Wise One:  You must believe it before you can see it.

Believer:  (Thinking: WTF!)  Are you listening to me?!?  I said I have believed and continue to believe but I am in a slump and need some advice on how to keep moving forward!

Wise One:  Live one day at a time.

Believer:  I do this anyway!  Everyone does!  How do you get through the day when you just feel like curling up in a ball and crying all day?!?

Wise One:  Think happy thoughts.

Believer:  Look, if you don’t know how to help me just say so!!

Wise One:  Love is the answer.

Believer:  Are you f@#&ing kidding me?!?  I need real practical help to get me through this time!!

Wise One:  Help comes from the Lord the Maker of heaven and earth.

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H. Hassenbein

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(Alternate Post Name: The Conversation that Turned the Believer Into an Atheist) 

Searching to Believe in Something Once Again

28 Jun

It was cold and silent and she was alone.  The storm had swallowed the part of her that ignited her life.  Shadows surrounded her but she was not afraid.  She knew the darkness well because it never really left her.  It was always hiding waiting to spring up at any moment to envelope her once again.  As much as she wanted to run back into the light, she eased into obscurity.  Fighting it was pointless.

The darkness was too big to fend off this time.  It had the upper hand and its devastation left broken pieces scattered as far as her eyes could see.  She did not know where to begin again or how she would put them all back together.  She clawed at the pieces desperate to understand why this had happened but making sense of the senseless is like battling an enemy you cannot see.  Years of building something purposeful was obliterated in seconds.

She no longer knew what to believe.  Questions overflowed her mind: Why did this happen?  Did I do something wrong?  Did I misunderstand the signs?  Did I veer off my path?  Was I right about anything?  What am I supposed to do now?

The answers could not be deciphered.  All the broken pieces were left untouched where they dropped.  The part of her that could easily carry on was tired and dispirited.  She could not bear to look at what she lost one second longer.  Her heart was in that chaos and she did not know how to save it.

She did not want to give up so she set out to find hope and faith.  Surely, they could help her believe once again.

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H. Hassenbein

The Place in Which the Dreamer Meets the Dream

15 May

She was lying in bed half awake with the television on watching the fulfillment of wishes.  She never watched TV this early especially on a Saturday morning.  Tucked underneath her pink and purple lightly flowered cotton comforter, she had nothing in particular on her mind.  Life was just going by and her emotions fell on the line of indifference.  She was neither happy nor sad; she just was.

As she was about to get up, an unexpected vision lured her attention.  In a single moment, she witnessed the opening to a dream.  A mere look held wondrous possibilities.  The dream was not something she envisioned for herself but it felt so delightful she gratefully placed it in her heart.  The imagination went into its whirlwind of creation fancying in the delight of love.  The dream became a gift from an unseen source and she nurtured it carefully.

With little nudges forward from a discreet guiding hand, she became aware of the intricacies of life’s connections.  Confirmations would arise that kept her on track.  She was united to this dream all along and the surreality of it all took her breath away.  The true gift was finally becoming aware of it.

Now, some years later, she questions if she is still on the right path.  She does not want all of her love, work, and patience to be in vain.  She wants to know the place in which to meet her dream.  She is ready.  While lying in bed, she wonders if she will ever get to see her wishes fulfilled.

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Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting,
dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

~Edger Allan Poe

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H. Hassenbein

Traversing the Road to Nowhere

4 May

She had been traveling longer than she ever thought she would need to.

The yearning to find what she was looking for made the search continuous.

The existence of her incomprehensible reality was unwelcomed.

This was far from what she envisioned.

The years of sacrificing and waiting had finally taken its toll.

Her heart was heavy.

She looked within to find the fortitude to keep moving forward but found nothing.

Not wanting to give up, she leaned on her faith only to fall to the ground.

In her weary state, she wanted to retreat to a place all her own.

And it was in this state she realized that she had no home.

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H. Hassenbein

Recognizing and Supporting the Strong Woman

29 Apr

A woman was spending time with her family.  She looked perfect in her purple blouse and dark blue jeans.  Her long hair was recently straightened and her makeup was just right so that it showed off her natural beauty.  Someone cracked a joke and she laughed a hearty laugh.  While eating, she would stare off into space for a few seconds before returning her attention to her family.  She smiled often and easily.

Looking closer, her eyes were a little red and slightly puffy.  The tip of her nose was blushing just a bit.  It could have been allergies but there was something more.  It is recognizable to those who understand.  It can be seen in the eyes and felt in the soul.  She was hiding her pain.

The woman had recently been crying.  A fresh application of makeup covered the tear marks that left dewy paths down her cheeks.  It also hid the redness on her nose.  The makeup concealed the pain and sorrow.

She sat there and hid her suffering.  No one in her family noticed.  Why would they?  She was always the strong one.  They depended on her and leaned on her when they needed strength.  She was the one who always took care of other people.  Without hesitation, she made sacrifices for those she loved.  She accepted her role despite the consequences.

The strength of a woman is often unrecognized and imperceptible.  When all she wants to do is cry, she uses all her strength to force a smile.  She endures the tightness in her throat as she breathes, speaks, and laughs.  As her heart is breaking, she pushes herself through the grief.  She stands strong while offering her love, support, and guidance.  She bears the unbearable task of keeping it together so her world does not fall apart.

Do you know this woman?  I do!  I know a lot of women like this.  And sometimes this woman is me.

Here is what I believe: It’s great to be a strong woman but sometimes it’s even greater when you can allow someone else to be strong for you.

Ask a strong woman how she is (how she genuinely is) and wait for an honest reply.  I know I would appreciate the kind gesture.


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H. Hassenbein

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