Tag Archives: feeling confused

Not Again!

18 Feb

No. No. No.
Butterflies fly away.
Heart, slow your rapid pace.
Now is not the time
Because I’ve chosen another way.
High hopes please come down.
Imagination surrender your whimsical gaze.
Not Now. Not Tomorrow. Not Ever.
Let me continue on my way.

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Walking Around In a World of My Own

17 Aug

Connecting with you only validates the reality I am trying to escape.

While running from you, I am running towards me.

I am locked behind bars that follow me wherever I go.

If there is a secret to obtaining the key, the answer has not become apparent to me.

Overwhelming gratitude for what is only serves as a reminder for what is not.

My mind is in a paradox: what is true is not real and what is real is not true.

To get out, go through.  To rise up, kneel down.  To see, believe.

No one knows for certain so speculation is all that is left.

Please, help me become who I already am.

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H. Hassenbein 

Where Do Dreams Go To Die?

8 Aug

Tell me, where do dreams go to die

When the believer stops believing his dream?

Do they rise up into the night sky

And become symbols of impossibility?

Or do they fall into the earth

And turn into an insufferable path to eternity?

His energy wanes while his body grows weak.

It takes all he is to continue to believe.

The lows are too low and the highs are too few.

Promises of revelry do not appear in any direction.

There is nothing but despair as far as the eye can see

And trusting the heart has become a thing of absurdity.

He is weary and misery is permeating his spirit.

Hope is dimming as darkness is unfolding.

Join me, will you, because I do understand.

I too seek that which I do not yet see.

If the dream will never come to be

Let me breathe my last breath right now

Than inhabit this inane existence any longer.

Life finds a way and visions see their way through.

The dream refuses to die so it changes its shape

And the dreamer is forced to transform with the dream.

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Where Dreams Die by Kent Whitaker

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H. Hassenbein

The Internal Struggle to Determine the True Believer

24 May

It’s easy to believe when everything is going well; however, when things become difficult your faith will be tested, not by a higher power, but by an internal struggle within yourself.

One self states, “I will continue to believe even though it appears as if everything I desire is falling apart because my faith will sustain me through this difficult time.”

And the other self says, “I should just take a more practical approach to life and believe only in what I can see because nothing is working and nothing is happening.”

One assumes everything will work out even if she can’t yet see what she believes.  Her faith in herself, the power she believes in, and that life is working in her favor helps her thrive in the darkest of times.  She trusts that any road blocks are teaching her important lessons.

The other one is disheartened, distraught, and discouraged.  She is tired of not seeing any results.  The path has become too much to bear and she is drained emotionally.  And another obstacle standing between her and her dreams only deters her from continuing to believe.

Both want validation but go about achieving it in different ways.  The effort to thrive and push forward by both can be exhausting.

Either there are no accidents and everything happens for a reason or everything is just a coincidence without meaning or purpose.

Either some things are meant to be or you just get what you get.

Either you believe or you don’t.  As always the choice is yours.

“Am I a faith filled believer or am I a practical believer?”

Who will triumph?

Or can they reach a compromise?

I need some quiet so peace befalls upon them so I can just be.

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H. Hassenbein

The Place in Which the Dreamer Meets the Dream

15 May

She was lying in bed half awake with the television on watching the fulfillment of wishes.  She never watched TV this early especially on a Saturday morning.  Tucked underneath her pink and purple lightly flowered cotton comforter, she had nothing in particular on her mind.  Life was just going by and her emotions fell on the line of indifference.  She was neither happy nor sad; she just was.

As she was about to get up, an unexpected vision lured her attention.  In a single moment, she witnessed the opening to a dream.  A mere look held wondrous possibilities.  The dream was not something she envisioned for herself but it felt so delightful she gratefully placed it in her heart.  The imagination went into its whirlwind of creation fancying in the delight of love.  The dream became a gift from an unseen source and she nurtured it carefully.

With little nudges forward from a discreet guiding hand, she became aware of the intricacies of life’s connections.  Confirmations would arise that kept her on track.  She was united to this dream all along and the surreality of it all took her breath away.  The true gift was finally becoming aware of it.

Now, some years later, she questions if she is still on the right path.  She does not want all of her love, work, and patience to be in vain.  She wants to know the place in which to meet her dream.  She is ready.  While lying in bed, she wonders if she will ever get to see her wishes fulfilled.

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Deep into that darkness peering,
long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting,
dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.

~Edger Allan Poe

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H. Hassenbein

The Path After Destruction Remains Unclear

3 May

What do you do when your beliefs are shaken so violently that you are left baffled and not sure what to do next? Do you take it as a sign that it is time to let go or do you hold on even tighter?

The path, which seemed clear, has just been subjected to a fury of destruction. There is no obvious way to proceed because the road to the future has been obliterated. And going back is not an option since the road to the past was erased with each step forward. There is no lucid course of action to take so one is left in despair while standing there shocked and confused.

It is time to ask myself what I believe.

Do I accept the reality before me? I suppose that is one option. I can choose to accept that everything I worked for and believed in was wrong and that it is time to start over. In my humbleness, I can admit being wrong.  Then the conclusion may be that everything had to fall apart so I could begin again.

Or, I can choose to continue to believe in all that I cannot see. I can keep moving forward on this unclear path while believing my feet will land in faith. Perhaps, there is a better way to get where I would like to be. Maybe the destruction allowed me to pause for good reasons that are presently unknown to me. I recognize that I do not have all the answers.  I could surmise that everything had to fall apart to keep me on course.

And then again, it’s possible I need to just stand here awhile and look at the destruction before me.

If anything, I certainly know that I appreciated the beauty before.

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H. Hassenbein

What Does Letting Go Really Mean? Anyone? Anyone?

26 Apr

It makes sense that one must understand the statement “letting go” before one can apply it to one’s life.  I’m not 100% certain what it means for me but I wondered what other people thought it meant.

According to Dr. Wilson’s article, letting go is, “learning to let go of old habits, ideas, people who are not serving your best interests.”  He writes that letting go can range from the simple act of recycling to the harder task of leaving a relationship.  And feeling loss and pain is normal.  He also states that letting go is a process of freeing the mind.  When your mind is free, you are free to look at your life without emotional ties.  This may offer clarity of mind to make decisions that allow for a better future.

In another article, it stated, “Letting go does not always mean letting (people) leave you. Letting go can also mean being with them, caring for them, but not allowing them to drain you, hurt you or not give you the ability to live your own life.”

Other answers I found included:

Letting go means …

  • Having the wisdom to accept the things I cannot change.
  • Creating a new beginning, moving forward.
  • Accepting defeat and letting go of control and isolation.
  • Relieving yourself of any negative emotion you might have with respect to an event, circumstance or condition.
  • Allowing others to make their own decisions.
  • Learning how to slowly heal, slowly love yourself and learning that you took a chance to hold onto something that long.
  • Allowing all the negative feelings in your body to leave.
  • Surrendering.
  • Admitting you don’t have all the answers and need help.
  • Letting go of control over others.

On a discussion board, people spoke of letting go in terms of spirituality and aiding manifestation.  Letting go is removing your focus from what you have been thinking about thereby allowing it to enter your life.  Letting go involves complete trust that everything is working out as it should and all that you truly desire is coming to you.  It is having complete faith in the Universe, God, or other entity.  It is resigning from the position of God.

And this person gave a great visual when he wrote: “Imagine a hand opening and closing.  To me, manifestation cannot occur if there is a deathgrip on what you want or desire.  A tight fist clinging, demanding, grasping will not force the universe to respond.  Only when you let the fist go, let blood, oxygen and energy move naturally through the hand will events unfold.  That is literally and metaphorically letting go.”

I loved the visual but how do you actually let go?  That I cannot answer because I don’t know…yet.  Again it is a personal process where each person has to find his or her own way and figure out what works best for them.

After completing some research, I must conclude that the statement “letting go” holds different meanings to everyone.  It is interpreted differently because we all come from diverse backgrounds and have learned unique lessons that define what we think.

I agree with some of the perspectives above; however, I have not entirely figured out what “letting go” means for me.  I do believe letting go and giving up are not the same thing.  And letting go of someone you love, doesn’t mean letting go of love.

“Letting go has made me strong.”
Julie Gribble’s song “Letting Go

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H. Hassenbein

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